I BOUGHT THE TRAVEL INSURANCE

The “hooker story” isn’t as exciting as you would imagine. My boyfriend, Harris, had been winning heavily at the craps tables at Ceasar’s Palace. Now Harris is a total nerd. He looks like a nerd, acts like a nerd (and sometimes a jerk!) and would def be someone a hooker would hit on. He was sitting out a few and was checking his e-mail on his nerdy I-phone. He was wearing a Ceasar’s palace shirt & cap (pu-leeze). The hooker came up to him (she was a black woman) and asked if he wanted them to “go up to his room”. He said he didn’t know WHAT to say and was afraid of hurting her feelings. He stammered out something that sounded like a “No”. And, she walked off, talking to her pimp on her cell phone.

I was annoyed with him for not just saying “No” right away. And, then annoyed that he felt badly when he said, “No” (or whatever he really said). And then, REALLY annoyed because he had to re-hash this story at least five or six times with me. Each time, sort of explaining (to me or to himself) why he had to say “No”.

Now, the thing is that I usually have to beg him myself to have sex (yeah, not kidding — that’s what happens when you get old)! I’m the partner with the high libido — lucky me. He doesn’t mind not giving me sex — so, he certainly shouldn’t have to justify his actions to the hooker. And, it’s not like I would appreciate him having sex with a hooker (or anyone else)!!

The other thing is that people always say that I look really good for my age (whatever that means). And, I constantly have guys hitting on me. The super in my building thinks both me and MY daughter are hot and flirts with me all the time. Some kind of male fantasy thing, I’ve heard.

But, you don’t see me having to explain to people why I don’t have sex with other men. I don’t even mention this to him. MEN!!! Can’t live with them — can’t live without ‘em.

Maybe that hooker-lady was watching Harris at the craps tables. If I catch any woman checking out Harris again — I’m gonna kick her ass. (I don’t care if she IS trying to make a living.) And really, just ’cause Harris looks like a dork — doesn’t mean he’s starving for sex.